My First Case of Writer’s Block

Writing opinion columns is not normally hard for me. It’s easy to have an opinion when you’re very opinionated (obviously). However, one of the hardest things to do is to pick a topic to write in depth about (intelligently).
Sure there are things that I have strong opinions about, but today I just seem hard pressed to write about them. It can sometimes be difficult to come up with enough information and premises to support an opinion.
So in the interests of being unable to formulate a single topic to write about in this column, I thought it might be appropriate to piecemeal a few opinions.
Honestly, who steals pure-bred dogs? I want to offer my sympathy for the victims of these crimes, but nothing says "senseless" quite like stealing someone’s pet. I mean seriously, aren’t there more lucrative strategies to get rich quick? Why not just try to take candy from a baby? I think the two crimes are comparable in terms of "classiness".
Billy Mays will sell you OxiClean, Mighty Mend It, Kaboom, OrangeGlow, MightyPuty, Gophers, Hercules Hooks, and now to add to his resume, he will sell you health benefits. That’s right folks, health benefits. The iCan Benefit Group, LLC (No kidding, that’s actually the name of the company. Please note it’s resemblance to the iPod) has officially contracted the "television salesman of the year" to help them sell health insurance. The insurance allegedly costs the insured a fraction of what private insurance costs today (but then again you get what you pay for). I wonder if Mays is seeking advice from Richard Scrushy, the founder of Health South? This may be the first product that Mays endorses that does not come with a 100% satisfaction guarantee. I bet Mays would sell you his beard if he could, or perhaps even his own Grandmother. Buyer beware on this one.
Grave robbers strike again in Middlesboro. This is truly shameful and distasteful. Karma being what it is, retribution is on it’s way.
President Obama’s inauguration was neither "green" or fiscally responsible. During a time of economic recession and high unemployment, I can completely see his logic in throwing a grand gala and a lavish parade for his coronation (pun intended). Why not, right? It’s not like he’s paying for it with all of his contributions from Hollywood and Oprah. I love that my taxes went to his celebration and not to the creation of jobs, or for that matter, anything to help weather the current economic storm. Let’s not even mention what he’s doing with the stimulus. On top of that, his inauguration totaled 100 tons of garbage. By comparison, New York City on New Year’s Eve only had 40 tons. That’s not even ironic given Obama’s campaign platform, that’s just downright hypocrisy.
There is a coalition forming that would like to restore voting rights to felons in Kentucky. They argue that felons who have paid their debt to society should have this right restored. In my opinion, if you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime. I don’t care if they ever have their vote restored again. Before you know it, groups like this will also try to restore former felon’s rights to own and possess firearms. Steps in the right direction, I assure you.
Current Illinois Governor Blagojevich informed the media recently that he thought about giving Oprah the Senate seat for Illinois. Well, at least that would put her show on hold for a while (which would be fantastic). However, do we really want to give more power and influence to this woman? I would suspect, if selected for the seat, she would vote however President Obama told her. Does it upset anyone else that Oprah (who already has a substantial influence on the public) has a strong friendship with the President, or is that just me? I can personally see Oprah lobbying the public for anything and everything that President Obama wants in order to sway public opinion to his benefit.
Some opinions are meant to be funny, others satirical but sincere. Please read with caution.