Sanctity of Marriage

Sanctity of Marriage
We’ve all seen it. In today’s society and media coverage, we have all seen someone’s marriage fall apart. In the particular cases where adultery is involved, all eyes are tuned into the soap opera of cheating, mistresses, temptresses, lies, and deceit. But infidelity is not the only reason why marriages dissolve today. Sometimes it’s because there were irreconcilable differences. Sometimes it’s just because someone falls in love with another. Whatever the reason, marriage today has it’s sacred state. It’s best evidenced by the historic high in American divorce rates. The media reports that the American divorce rate is approximately 50%. I’m already at the age where my friends are getting divorced and in some cases starting their second marriage. I’m not even that old! What ever happened to the sanctity of marriage and "til death do us part"?
In much the same way that the media has perverted holidays and biased the view of certain political candidates (see my previous articles published in the Daily News), it makes sense that the media has also played a role in changing our perception of marriage. I really can’t recall when it became essential to know every detail about my favorite celebrity’s life. I can at any time of day know who my favorite celebrity is dating, and receive up to the minute updates if that person is being unfaithful to his or her wife/husband, if they are getting divorced, how many kids they’re having, and the like. I can go on and on about the press given to celebrity "marriages". In my opinion, the media’s happenstance approach to marriage, and worse, Hollywood’s elite lack of marital dedication, has perpetuated and somehow influenced our society’s perception of marriage.
Now I don’t go blaming the media for everything. I do blame them for a lot, but I cannot fault them entirely. In much the same way that I don’t think we can blame gun manufacturers for someone’s death by gunshot, I cannot fully blame the media for the downfall of marriage in American society. I will say that there is a personal responsibility issue in taking responsibility for one’s actions, but I do sincerely hope that no one looks to Hollywood for role models, especially when it comes to relationships and "happily married" couples. Hollywood love-life is as volatile as the current stock market. The approach that celebrities have taken towards marriage, and the media’s coverage of the ensuing soap-opera, have inadvertently ingrained new, inappropriate perceptions and ideas about marriage into our minds. I’d like to debunk these ideas.
Marriage is a union before God between a man and woman. I think that some of the problem with American society has become our disposition of "irreligion" (or lack of religion). This lack of religion and dedication to God has weakened our dedication to one another (friendships, treatment of strangers, and in our marriages). I understand that our government is not to "respect and establishment of religion", but I have never seen a provision in the Constitution or Bill of Rights that requires me to worship God or speak of God in private out of the fear upsetting others. This new "right" to reside in a society absent of God has transcended the sanctity of marriage making it another step in the "relationship game" (meeting, courtship, dating, engagement, marriage and then return to the start). Marriage was and is intended to be the final destination point as evidenced by the vows exchanged during the ceremony, however for some reason it is commonplace for people to marry several times within their lifetime. Marriage vows are plain and simple; "til death do us part" cannot be interpreted as "til irritability, differences, or incompatibility do us part". I think that some of us have forgotten this. The problem is, I cannot pinpoint one exact moment where sanctity was divorced from marriage (pun intended).
Marriage is not a convenient arrangement. It is a covenant between man, woman, and God that requires work, dedication, perseverance, and above all else, love. It has never been permissible to end a marriage because you have "fallen in love with another". I have heard some argue that you should marry your one true love no matter when you find them in life and regardless of your current marital status. This sentiment has already bred problems with infidelity today. This is going to sound rather cynical, but hear me out: the principal behind marriage is not to jump ship in the hopes of being happier with someone else. When you get married, you publicly tell everyone and promise your partner (before God, mind you) that no matter what happens in life, no matter who comes along, you chose your spouse every time until death parts the two of you.
There are some exceptions to the rule that are made clear in scripture. The Bible states two acceptable reasons (in the eyes of God) for the dissolution of marriage; adultery and death. Matthew 5:31 is very clear on this, "anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery". The passage explains to us that marital unfaithfulness is a justifiable reason for divorce (for the victim). However, there is also something to be said about divorce that stems from abuse. Husbands or wives that file for divorce because of substantiated claims of abuse, in my opinion, are not adulterers. My main logic is that when reciting wedding vows to each other at the wedding ceremony (the pact between the husband and wife made before God) both have promised to love, honor, and cherish the other. Abuse violates these vows. It does not honor or cherish the victim. These reasons, to me, are the only acceptable reasons to divorce. All other reasons (like sexual incompatibility, lack of maturity, lifestyle differences, irreconcilable differences, or whatever the state allows as a justifiable reason for divorce) have only aided and abetted those guilty of committing adultery. Mind you, I am not passing judgment on anyone. I am just expressing my opinion and belief on divorce using a Biblical reference.
One point that I would like to make is that government has intervened in the Godly sacrament of matrimony. It has placed rules and regulations into a covenant that government has no business in. I strongly believe that there should be a separation between church and state; not to protect the government from religion, but to protect religion from the government. Government is not allowed to respect an establishment of religion, but shouldn’t something be said about government not being able to change the religious establishment of marriage?
There are some benefits to having government involved in marriage, though. Government regulation of marriage ensures that minors are not exploited through arranged marriages and that individuals of close kinship cannot be united, either. States are given discretion to determine regulations regarding marriage (age, sexual orientation, kinship restrictions, etc.). However, and this may be the pragmatist in me, I would like to think that if government took a laissez faire (hands-off) approach to marriage that responsible clergy would not abuse marriage by joining two people that do not belong together (brother-sister, minor-adult, etc.). But again, I might be overly optimistic on that point. I sometimes put too much faith in the intentions of others and have already been proved wrong by the states of California, Connecticut, and Massachusetts. But I digress...
Marriage, more specifically Holy Matrimony, is something that is best left to the church. Government first intervened in the sacrament to recognize unions for economic and estate benefits (amongst others). Marriage regulations have dramatically changed the "institution of marriage" into just plain "marriage"; absent meaning, absent purpose. When you look up the word "institution" (specifically, the "institution of marriage") it means, "a custom that is an important feature of some group or society". "Institution" also means "having purpose". Marriage today, thanks to the unwillingness of individuals to endure (1) sickness, (2) bad times, (3) poverty, (4) sadness, (5) self-sacrifice, and (6) unrelenting devotion until death, has been cheapened to something gossip magazines scour for. Marriage is divorced from purpose and divorced from importance (pun intended again).
This is what I feel I have observed as the trend in marriage today. Personally, I want everyone to be happy, but I also want people to be understand the solemnity of marriage. Marriage is not a toy. It is not just a New Year’s Resolution. There’s no crossing fingers and there’s no turning back. Marriage is, and always has been intended for life once those vows are taken. The divorce trend has been boiling up for a while but what we need today are people that are willing to realize that marriage is a life-altering, permanent decision and treat is as such. I know I do. I hope everyone reading this does, too.